So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
