I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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