I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
