are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
