Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
