She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
