tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
