Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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