So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
