I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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