nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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