You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
