yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
