Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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