My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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