just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Acid is not a monday night drug
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
