Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just had sex bonerless
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
