So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
