As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
