Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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