Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
