Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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