My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
