shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
