never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
