i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
