Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
