I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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