He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've blown a few things in my day
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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