I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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