At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
