My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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