If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
