there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My vagina just recognized that song.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
