how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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