your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
