My first STD was from a foam party
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
