Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
