Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
