I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
