ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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