What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
where are my eyebrows?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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