I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
