HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let's paint friendship bongs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
