What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
