I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
