I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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