Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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