Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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