I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this just has baby written all over it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
